just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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