I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
