you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
