I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
