i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
