I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Randomize
