what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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