i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
