Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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