I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
