He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
