Non-Jews are for practice
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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