I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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