He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Still dying that you shit outside
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize