a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
