Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
