from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
