fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
