quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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