He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
