aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
