Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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