She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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