just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
i out mim tonsoeep
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