just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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