i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
