At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
