Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
