So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize