mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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