she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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