I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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