it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
