Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
