She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
