Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
