Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
