Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize