Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
