I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
It's rum buckets o'clock
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
