Do you still have your period?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
