Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
