Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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