There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
There's always time for handjobs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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