I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
