Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
