i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
