I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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