OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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