Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
