i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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