Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
