I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
The best revenge is premature balding
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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