Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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