We're like a lot better than the average bears
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
