i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
