I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
