My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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