I want to have your abortion
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
