Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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