Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
