At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
