I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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