Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
