All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
