Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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