I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
