You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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