He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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