Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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