That reminds me...we need to get swords
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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