Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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