I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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