I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
