I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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