so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize