I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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