so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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