i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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