If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
