i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
