Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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