I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
