Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
