Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
