If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
