Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
