You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
