What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
