The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize