I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
