I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Let's paint friendship bongs
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
