I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize