You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
and you fell through a lawn chair
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
