all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
