Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
