Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
