It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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