So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
