On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I've blown a few things in my day
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
